Dear Mrs Morgan

The Welsh Assembly are currently debating on a proposed smacking ban and I wrote to some AMs concerning this. Here is my letter to Julie Morgan, Assembly Member for Cardiff North, which includes the All Nations Centre.

Dear Mrs Morgan,

I am writing to you in relation to the Welsh Assembly’s current debates on banning smacking in this country.

I must confess that I am deeply opposed to the proposal to ban smacking in Wales. My wife and I have been married for five years, we have an eighteen month old daughter and, next week, are due to have our second child. We love each other and love our children more than anything else in this world. We are also Christians, both raised in Christian families by Christian parents. Both our sets of parents have been happily married for over thirty years and have been excellent role models to us in every way. They have loved us, encouraged us and practically supported us throughout our infant and adult lives. They helped us with homework, encouraged us to pursue musical and sporting talents, and helped us come to sensible decisions concerning where to live, study and whom to marry. And, also, on occasion, when it was necessary, they disciplined us physically.

My parents smacked me when I behaved badly and I am eternally grateful to them for it. They never hit me out of anger, resentment or frustration; I have known throughout my life my parents’ love and support for me. But there were times when I needed to be disciplined physically and I am glad they did. It taught me restraint; it taught me to obey, honour and respect them. As a result, it taught me to obey, honour and respect others in authority: my teachers, my employers, public servants like doctors, policeman and, yes, even politicians.

The Bible tells Christian parents to love their children, not to exasperate them (you can read that in Colossians 4). The apostle Paul writes, ‘Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but build them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord’ (Ephesians 6:4). The Bible also tells me that God is a Father who loves his children and who disciplines those he loves. The Book of Proverbs makes clear that disciplining a child will involve smacking them, and that this smacking of them will not and should not harm them.

Mrs Morgan I am as opposed to violence as you are. I agree wholeheartedly with Lindsay Whittle’s comments, quoted in today’s Guardian, that ‘When does an open hand become a fist? When does an open palm dislocate a jaw or perforate an eardrum.’ Violence is as against the Christian ethic as anything else. But when I talk about ‘smacking’ my child or being ‘smacked’ by my parents, I am not talking about an act of violence rooted in anger or frustration. I am talking about a restrained and controlled act rooted in love. Your Labour colleague Christine Chapman says, ‘Parents who hit children tend to do it when they are angry. It is rarely done in a cool, calculated way. We don't condone hitting adults and it is nonsensical to say that children can be hit.’ Note Ms Chapman’s words here: she links smacking with hitting and with anger. I can honestly say my parents never hit me in anger and I will never hit my children in anger. I love them too much for that! But I love them enough to discipline them when necessary and I love them enough, too, to obey the Bible as the Word of God. Every time I have put the Bible into practise in my life – whether regarding discipline or ethics or financial stewardship or sexual conduct – I have found it to work.

Mrs Morgan, I am not a religious fundamentalist or an angry man on a crusade. I am a member of All Nations Church in Cardiff, where I currently serve as a deacon. We love the city of Cardiff and the nation of Wales. We want it to prosper greatly. We are involved in all manner of community and outreach projects that aim to make Cardiff a better city to live and Wales a safer nation. I have no doubt you would approve to them all. I am well educated, having obtained an MA and PhD from Cardiff University. I love living in South Wales and am a passionate Welshman. I am deeply saddened by many of the things I see in Caerphilly where I live: broken homes and families; people living without hope; lives destroyed by alcoholism; people living in long term unemployment. At times I have known how they felt: this year I lost my job and was unemployed for six months. I now have a job working at Heath Hospital in Cardiff. Were you to meet me, I am confident you’d find me honest, respectful, hardworking, diligent and, dare I say it, quite normal. I’d hope that you’d actually enjoy my company. If you did, I’d be able to tell you I am the man I am today because of how my parents raised me. They taught me to work hard and to honour and respect all people. And they taught me that through love, care and, occasionally, physical discipline.

Mrs Morgan, I pray that you will be successful in all you do in representing South East Wales to the Assembly. The Bible instructs me to pray for all who are in authority over me – in fact, to give thanks to God for them! – and that includes you. I am sure you would want me to obey such a command. It also commands me to physically discipline my children when the need arises. I hope that you will take into consideration what I have written to you today.

Yours sincerely,

James Aubrey

Comments

[Annie Sherwin]

I agree with everything James Aubrey has written in this letter. I have brought up four children of my own in the same way he has spoken of and three of them are now Adults who live life with respect for autority for others. Through discipline they have learnt self control and are all well rounded and confident individuals who know they are loved very much by their parents. Due to the controlled, physical discipline they received as children, I am happy to say they are now a great asset to society. Thank you for your consideration on this very serious matter. Annie Sherwin.

[MarK Phillips]

The truth written by a well educated and well rounded individual.

Thank you James for the care & attention you have given to this most important matter.

You have stated in an eloquent manner the truth; that it is the lack of love and discipline in society which is bringing so much grief into peoples lives.

Love with all it entails, the responsibility of showing love which includes discipline when required to stop children coming to hurt or harm themselves is key.

Parents have a responsibility to apply themselves to the future of their children with love.

Mark Phillips

[Greg Montgomery]

I wholeheartedly support James' approach to this subject, as a father of two daughters and a fellow Christian. Not only does the proposed ban contradict what the bible teaches us regarding disciplining our children, I need not add to what James has written, but it is also born out of the misguided opinion that it is a protective measure that reduces violence both in and out of the home, towards children and adults alike.

Those in favour of such a smacking ban refer to the precedent in Sweden, where smacking was banned in 1979. Some intended aims of the ban were to decrease levels of child abuse, whilst allowing parents to take other measures under their own 'empowerment' rather than having it necessary for state agencies to intervene.

Empirical evidence from studies in Sweden since the 1979 ban indicate that the ban has failed to achieve these aims, particularly as Sweden has seen a notable increase in child abuse and, significantly for the future of the generational fabric of their society, increased violence between children. The number of children removed from the home where the so-called "supportive parenting" approach has been adopted, reached 46%, a devastating blow to family fabric.

Countries with relatively low incidence of violence between children - such as Sweden before the ban - may be able to tolerate such a marked increase in rates of violence between children, I don't believe that our society in the UK could withstand such an increase as the six-fold increase in child-to child violence as recorded in Sweden since the ban was introduced.

Please oppose this ban, it is based on fundamentally flawed principles and its success elsewhere is a myth to be debunked by fact, not conjecture, if our society is to be protected from producing future generations for whom violence against their peers and others is regarded as the norm.

Greg Montgomery

[Katie Rayson]

Thank you James for voicing your opinion so eloquently, I agree wholeheartedly with you and am happy to think of many other young men and women, I know who have been raised in an environment of love and security which included occasional physical correction or 'smacking'. I am confident in having brought my own children up this way and interestingly, the occasions when I did need to smack them were really quite rare. Now they are older they look back on their childhood as a wonderful time and are ready to embrace adult life as confident happy, secure individuals.
I find it really alarming that a smack from a loving parent, could ever be confused with a violent, temper fuelled punch or hitting that would cause injury. Katie Rayson

[Chris]

Wow! What a letter. Did you get a reply?
I found that kids have the ability to take you places you didn't know existed. I had to be prepared for those places, and not acting out of anger was a good preperation. Using discipline in a sandwich of love was also good advice.
I sometimes listen to these debates and think 'stop the world, I want to get off'. Lord help me get it right.